Shielded

It was hard to be swept into a work week like an undercurrent stealing your footing after Ben and I had two weeks off for winter break.  By the time work was over on Monday, we wanted anything but more stress.  I had planned a simple meal on a relaxing evening with nothing to do but put our feet up after a long day.  However, as easy as French dip is to make, simple and relaxing is by no means how our night turned out!
After swinging by the grocery store, I finally walked through the door of our comfy little apartment at about 6:30 and got straight to work on our dinner.  Hoagie rolls, roast beef, butter, and au juis sauce...four simple ingredients, right?  Not this night!  I turned the oven to broil and got to working on spreading the butter on the hoagies.  However, my butter was so hard that it pulled at the bread with every swipe of my knife and tore holes in each piece.  Frustration number one. 
Once the rolls were finally ready for broiling, I realized that I had forgotten to move the rack in the oven to the top shelf.  When you broil, the rack is supposed to be at the highest level or else it doesn't work right - it'll just bake it instead.  So, as I realized frustration number two, I set the rolls down in their pan on top of the stove and pulled the rack out to move it.  The oven walls must have expanded from the heat, however, because I couldn't get the rack back in once I had pulled it out. 
In the midst of whining about the rack, Ben and I noticed a burning smell coming from the stove top.  At the same time I buttered the bread, I had put the au juis sauce in a pan on the burner.  The instructions said to simmer the sauce for ten minutes.  Okay, no problem.  Turn it on and let it go.  But, continuing in the pattern of the evening, of COURSE that's not how it went.  Five minutes into the ten-minute boiling period. there was no juice left.  Instead, we had a hot pan with a layer of crispy spices stuck to the bottom.  Tastey, huh?
At this, I lost it.  I couldn't deal with dinner any more.  How could such a simple meal become such a disaster?  I quickly reverted back to age five and threw a fit in the middle of the kitchen, Ben kindly asked if he could take over and suggested that I go do something else.  Yes, please, I'll leave the kitchen!  Gladly!  What a nightmare evening!  So, I shuffled off into the bedroom to take a few minutes to rest.
Shortly after my tantrum and it sounded like everything had calmed down in the kitchen, Ben snuck in and laid down on the bed next to me.  We were laying in silence, listening to one another breathe, when I asked if he had put the bread in the oven (I was worried it was broiling and was going to burn).  "Well, the pan exploded," he said.
"What?!?  What do you mean the pan exploded?" I asked in response.

The pyrex that we had ever so carelessly set on the top of the stove had been set on a hot burner.  When I left the kitchen, Ben went to work on shoving the rack back into the oven.  Suddenly the pyrex pan exploded no more than two feet from his face. 
It's moments like these that God is so obviously present!  By His grace alone, the glass flew in every direction except exactly where Ben was standing.  We had glass in our living room, our bathroom, our dining room, in every crevace of our kitchen, in a bag of chocolates, in our kitchenaide mixer, in our oven...everywhere except for the place he was standing.  There was even glass between where Ben's feet had been, and directly behind him in the sink.
We went out to assess the damage, and it was seriously amazing!  The glass was so hot that it burned our kitchen floors, our counters, and our carpet in the dining room.  I'm sure we'll be paying for that when the time comes to move out!  It took us an hour and half to clean everything up that night, and we still had work to do.  Even now I still find tiny pieces of glass in random places.  We didn't get to rest that night until 8:30 - two hours after we got home.  We eventually did get to sit down and watch a show and eat our French dip (we went for round two, which was a success), but I think we were both so focused on God's amazing gift of protection that evening that nothing else really mattered at that point! 
Even when we are surrounded by frustrations and annoyances and are completely exhausted like we were that night, God is ultimately in charge of the results, which can only be good.  "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose," (Romans 8:28).  He works in ALL things, and we are blessed by his works!

Fear(less)

Fear is a subtle anesthetic.  Often times we don't even realize how much power we've lost to it until we're almost completely numb.  I'm not talking about a fear of spiders or not knowing how to swim; I mean those deep fears of whether or not we'll be left alone, whether things will ever get better, or whether we're good enough.  I have come to realize through my own experience and conversations with other women that most of us ladies experience fear emotionally and socially, and our emotions tend to run over into the other facets of our lives.  Even the most logical of us can be fettered by  fear! It's destructive and hurtful to ourselves, to those around us, and to our relationship with God.  Why can't we just brush the fear off our shoulders and get rid of that extra weight?  It's just never that easy, is it?
I've had a hard time writing even what I have down so far because fear is a big problem for me, but I think that the topic of fear is so important!  Ladies, do not let your fears consume you!  I have a habit of dwelling on negative things that happen to me, especially in my relationship with Ben.  When I spend ninety percent of my time focused on what has happened, what might've happened, and what could happen in the future, I leave very little time for God.  And I show God that I have no trust in him.  1 Peter 4:12 says "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trail when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you."  Each time my fears take over I forget how many times in the past that God has brought me through things.  Especially as Christians, Satan will do everything in his power to withdraw our attention from glorifying God.  The stronger we are as Christians, the stronger Satan's attacks come.  We are also told again and again how God will protect us, how he cares for us, how he saves us...The fact is that when our mind is filled with our fears, there is no room to remember his promises to us.  We block him out and replace him with falsities and untruths.  We have to remember to "Consider it pure joy, my [sisters] when you are faced with trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2).  That doesn't mean it's easy, but our Joy comes from the contentment and satisfaction that God is in control and has providential power over everything.  Remember to set your mind on "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy..." (Phil. 4:8).
Something I need to do more frequently and I suggest others do as well is to consume your mind with Biblical scripture to fight these fears.  If our mind is already full, nothing else can fill it.  To start each day full of truth and goodness makes a lot more sense than allowing fears and failures to creep in instead. We need to become fearless, not fear-full.

The darkness of night

When night falls and I close my eyes, I become captive to the plot of my dreams.  However, I've come to think that I'm not always the author of each story.    We feel emotions in dreams - waking up in tears or in a burst of laughter often tears me from my altered "reality."  Though a dream may end when my alarm goes off, the joy, excitement, guilt, anger, or whatever it may be often lingers.  I believe Satan uses our dreams to cause this lingering effect in our lives and relationships.  In the nearly seven months of my marriage, Ben and I have more than once woken up with resentment toward each other, which often doesn't settle until after we leave for work. 

Last night was similar.  We were both startled awake in the early morning by bad dreams.  Neither of our dreams had to do with one another directly, but they definitely affected how we felt when we woke up.  My dream dealt with my past sins, as they sometimes do.  In my dream, I was at my grandma's house.  My grandma passed away nearly six and a half years ago, yet I still miss her with stronger gusts of emotion than I do anyone else.  The thought of her home brings to me a deep sadness and longing for the past.  In my dream, I did something which added to these feelings a boiling up of the deep guilt I have felt for my past sins, as if I had just added to this debt again.  I woke up feeling heavily burdened and shamed for sins I have not recently commited and have already been forgiven for.  I am free from my sin, yet Satan has a way of braiding guilt into our emotions so the feeling of our transgressions lingers beyond its place. 

When I woke up, I didn't plan on telling Ben about my dream.  Though it consumed me, I didn't want to hurt Ben by what had happened in it and I felt so guilty!  I also thought that it was just a dream, and I didn't need to tell him because it wasn't real.  It was just a dream - that's the truth.  By no means would I ever do what happened in my dream...by no means would it be a desire in real life.  Still, Satan's goal is to isolate us, or to make us feel isolated, and by not sharing my dream with Ben would be giving Satan that power.

Ben ended up sharing his dream with me first.  As he was talking, the realization that these coinciding nightmares may have been an attack from Satan came to mind.  I knew that I had to tell Ben at that point, and that it would be good for us rather than damaging.  We both realized that Satan had been sharpening his sword while we were sleeping, and we immediately prayed for each other and for the rest of our day. 

If we had not talked about our dreams, we would have stumbled through our day focusing on our own negativity rather than glorifying God.  Satan uses any media possible to manipulate who we are as children of God.  It is his goal to remove our focus from the glory of our creator.  Who would have guessed that our dreams would be such a strong conductor from the electric current of his spark?  But through Christ we have the power to start a fire under his plan.  God gives us the power to expose the darkness of our dreams with His light, and triumphantly we are able to move on.

I wanted to share this because I'm sure we aren't the only ones this happens to.  It was a "tada" moment when I realized that maybe spiritual warfare flows over into our slumber.  Now we can move forward, awake to Satan's efforts to ruin us in our sleep.