Look in the mirror. Go ahead...get up from your couch, or desk chair, or where ever you're sitting and go take a peak. Look for at least ten seconds. Once you're back, think about what you saw: what were your thoughts? How did you feel? If you're anything like me, and most likely if you're female, it takes much fewer than ten seconds to criticize what you see. Less than five seconds, even, to make yourself feel pretty low. So what is it about thousands of beautiful women that makes us believe the lie that we are fat, or ugly, or flawed? What is it that convinces us that our value comes from what we see in that thin piece of reflective glass, which is always a skewed perception anyway?
I didn't realize that people thought I was pretty until college. I never had guys comment on my looks, but I guess when you're in high school the only guys commenting on people's looks are the ones who have too little self control to not say something inappropriate, so that was fine with me. My friends often commented on how they wished they had my body, or some aspect of my physical appearance, but I just thought they were crazy and trying to be nice. Then I got to college and all of a sudden I had guy after guy pursuing me. I felt like I didn't have to think or try to attract guys - they just came.
Now, I want to switch gears and interject something for a minute. I'm not sharing these facts about college to brag or to put anyone down. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm sharing these facts because I believe it had a strong negative impact on how I view myself now, and I'm trying to work out the details in order to help myself, and maybe others in the same boat, learn to find value where it really counts. And I don't just mean to know where value comes from, but to believe it! Okay, back to the story.
The stream of pursuers and comments continued basically until I met Ben. I began to rely on them and to expect them. I liked them. I enjoyed feeling wanted, and I knew that a big part of that was my appearance. Even with Ben, hearing the story about the night we met always makes me smile because of how I caught his eye (with my looks) and how I kept it (with everything else). However...now that we're married and this life I live has become 'normal,' Ben doesn't verbalize that he's attracted to me hardly ever, and neither do any other guys (obviously). I find myself freaking out about needing to stay in shape, eating well, and looking pretty not so I can actually be in shape or be healthy, but so Ben will always be attracted to me - so my body will never change - and the flaws I see (even though he probably doesn't) are the reason he's not as verbal or pursuant.
Ladies (and any men still reading)...THIS is destructive thinking! Do not base your value on anything superficial. You are a beautiful creation and the only thing that's worth any value is that you were created by a very powerful creator, who loves you more deeply than you could ever ask or imagine! I know not all of you believe in God, but whether you do or not, there is no doubt that your value should be based on something more than a thin layer of flesh. So how do we fight these fetters filled with lies, deceit, and destruction?
Well, for one thing, we could start by countering the criticism we tell ourselves. In the Bible study I led for the past five years, we would always tell our girls that they had to say two positive things for every negative thing they said about themselves. We started it because they really were negative in their younger years, and it was starting to wear on everyone. Once we begin changing what we vocalized to positive attributes rather than negative, the whole atmosphere of the group transformed. It worked! Finding something positive helped us all to think more positively in general. Start with that! Be intentionally more positive!
Next, get away from magazines that put you down. Guys should not read muscle magazines, and girls should not read fashion magazines. Not only are they unrealistic, they are literally not real. They are someone's digital artwork. And all they do is tell the people reading them that they are too big, or their eyes are too narrow, or their lips are too small. Don't believe it! Don't even tempt yourself!
My last suggestion is to surround yourself with uplifting people. I have to say that the best I've felt about myself in the past few years is the weekend trip my girlfriends and I took down to Texas this past January (even though this was also the month I was the heaviest I've been in the past few years). If you put ten girls who truly love and value each other in the same space, they will undoubtedly lift each other up! It is a magical thing! Ladies - you are a great asset! Love your friends deeply and display that love at all costs! Share with each other how and why you love each other! Support each other in your joys and your sorrows! This. is. so. important. We can't live without it. We cannot live on the praise of our husbands alone.
Still, even the praise of our friends isn't enough. And that's where I'm stuck. That's where I keep falling into the trap of believing what I see in the mirror guides who I am, and that when I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfying to anyone else either. I know logically that my value comes from God, but sometimes I have a hard time knowing what that even means. Sometimes I have a hard time not only knowing, but then believing throughout my entire being in its truth. What more can we do? How do we turn to Him for good? How do we steal back the value that's been imaginarily, yet so realistically, stolen from us? This, my friends, is a dilemma no one can address alone!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
New Year's Resolutions?
Okay, okay, okay...it's been over a year since I've written anything. I know! But you have no idea how crazy this past year has been. About this time last year is when I started preparing for teaching my first full time job. I had no idea at the time how fully consuming it would be to all parts of my life. For those of you who actually want to see me now and then, don't worry. Things get better. Teaching becomes less exhausting, planning takes up less time, and grading...well, I may just be out of luck on that one forever. I'll figure out something to do about that!
My point in all of this is that I dropped the ball on things that meant a lot to me last year, and in place of them came teaching. I actually counted, and with the amount of hours I worked each week within the ten-month period, I actually worked the same amount as a person works at over 40 hours within the whole year. I only saw friends about once every two months. I rarely exercised. I never read my Bible except to prepare for c-group. And really, I gave up so much more. Ugh...it was awful. With only weeks before I have to step back into the classroom again, I've really been thinking a lot about how to avoid that this year. I need balance in my life - we all do - and the only way that's going to happen is if I make it happen. It's my choice. And since it's a new year (for teachers and students, anyway), I've decided to create a list of "resolutions" to start things off right. These are things I want to do regularly, no matter how school's going. I figured I'd throw it out there for all to see. That way maybe I'll have a little accountability for it! Resolutions are notorious for being broken, but not this time. Huh-uh, not me! So...here we go:
1) read my Bible every day
2) work out every day
3) visit with a friend once a week
4) get involved in a weekly ministry
5) read at least four books for myself this year
6) write on my blog at least once a week
7) keep the apartment clean
8) spend weekly intentional time with my husband
9) do something new at least once a month
10) do something outside at least once a month
Okay...ten months of school and ten goals. Not that each one correlates to a month, by any means, but it's kind of a good way to count down, right? Go for it month by month? I think so, anyway. So for all of you reading this, please do check in on me! Ask me if I'm reading my Bible, come work out with me, or ask to hang out some time! I would really appreciate it. Last year was a bit of a disaster. Though I love teaching in so many ways, if I don't stick to these resolutions I may go crazy. Help me out with this one, would ya!?
My point in all of this is that I dropped the ball on things that meant a lot to me last year, and in place of them came teaching. I actually counted, and with the amount of hours I worked each week within the ten-month period, I actually worked the same amount as a person works at over 40 hours within the whole year. I only saw friends about once every two months. I rarely exercised. I never read my Bible except to prepare for c-group. And really, I gave up so much more. Ugh...it was awful. With only weeks before I have to step back into the classroom again, I've really been thinking a lot about how to avoid that this year. I need balance in my life - we all do - and the only way that's going to happen is if I make it happen. It's my choice. And since it's a new year (for teachers and students, anyway), I've decided to create a list of "resolutions" to start things off right. These are things I want to do regularly, no matter how school's going. I figured I'd throw it out there for all to see. That way maybe I'll have a little accountability for it! Resolutions are notorious for being broken, but not this time. Huh-uh, not me! So...here we go:
1) read my Bible every day
2) work out every day
3) visit with a friend once a week
4) get involved in a weekly ministry
5) read at least four books for myself this year
6) write on my blog at least once a week
7) keep the apartment clean
8) spend weekly intentional time with my husband
9) do something new at least once a month
10) do something outside at least once a month
Okay...ten months of school and ten goals. Not that each one correlates to a month, by any means, but it's kind of a good way to count down, right? Go for it month by month? I think so, anyway. So for all of you reading this, please do check in on me! Ask me if I'm reading my Bible, come work out with me, or ask to hang out some time! I would really appreciate it. Last year was a bit of a disaster. Though I love teaching in so many ways, if I don't stick to these resolutions I may go crazy. Help me out with this one, would ya!?
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