Kitty Softpaws

If you've seen the new Puss in Boots movie, you know exactly who Kitty Softpaws is as well as how she got her name.  Well...the Bethea household how has our own Kitty Softpaws.  We had to take Mika in today to get her claws removed.  I understand that this is a controversial issue, but once she started lacerating our furniture, our arms, and our other cat, we decided it had to be done.  And it wasn't an easy decision - trust me!
When a cat gets declawed, it's entire first knuckle is removed.  Take a look at your hands.  Can you imagine what it would be like to have the first knuckle of each of your fingers removed???  Honestly, every time I think about it I wince.  It makes me sad inside and I start to feel more empathy for our helpless little cat than any human should for any animal.  I'm not saying a person shouldn't feel sad or be compassionate toward animals; I'm just saying that this really isn't as big of a deal as I make it in my head.
Think about it this way: serious ballerinas often have their toe nails removed from their big toes in order to adapt to standing on the tips of their feet.  Much along those lines, when a cat lives permanently indoors, they often also need to adjust to their circumstances, which often means removing their claws.  People may argue that it's inhumane or that the owner's taking away any ability for the cat to protect itself, but if a cat lives indoors only it no longer has the need to protect itself.  The pain is temporary - just like any surgery - and the outcome is greatly advantageous to the other options for both the cat and the owner.  If we didn't get Mika declawed, we'd have to take her back to the shelter.  I love her way too much to send her away!
I've actually spent most of my night making sure she's okay.  Pathetic, I know.  She just looks so groggy and out of it from the pain medication and her paws look somehow deflated.  It's weird, actually.  I don't know if I'm imagining it, but the tips of her toes look thinner than they used to.  She's so social, so she's enjoyed me coming in and checking up on her every once in a while.  She even scooted around on her little chair so she could put her head on my arm (I was sitting on the floor, resting my head on my arm on top of the chair).  It was pretty cute.
Anyway, I highly doubt anyone even cares about this post - this is more just me thinking and processing through my fingers - and I have to admit that it rambles a bit, but I just had to get it out.  I had to write about it.  It doesn't hurt that I'm trying to be better about posting more frequent blogs, either :)

Taking a Hint from Benjamin Franklin

Temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity, and humility.  What do these incredibly difficult characteristics have in common?  Benjamin Franklin includes these thirteen virtues in his autobiography, explaining his overly formulaic attempt to improve his character and lifestyle.  So...what's the point?  Well, you see, Franklin also explained how after coming up with the thirteen virtues, he tracked his progress on the virtues in a log organized for each day of the week (see the example below).  He built on his virtues in succession - once he mastered the first one, he'd add the second.  Once he mastered the second, he'd add on the third.  He did this with each one until he'd mastered them all (or at least he'd come close).  At the end of this section of his autobiography, he leaves his readers with the following words: "I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit."  Ladies and Gentlemen, I am one of those descendants who has chosen to take on the task of reaping the benefits!

I have talked a lot in the past about resolutions, changes, additions, and any other number of improvements I'd like to make to my life.  However, I often feel so overwhelmed by this list of self-improvements that nothing gets done!  I first read about Benjamin Franklin's quest for virtue last year when teaching Rationalist literature to my American Literature class.  I found it intriguing then, but, being in the crazy phase of life that I was, I didn't have the time to think any further than that.  When I taught the unit this year, I thought more about Franklin's quest as well as his "hope" to pass on his lesson to his descendants.  I have to admit that I'm still hesitant.  I've never been any good at sticking to life changes that don't come naturally (and those that come naturally typically aren't positive).  Still, I'm going to do this, and I'm starting at the new year.

January first is a week from tomorrow.  If I'm starting my list of virtues then, that means I have to come up with a list, plan what order I'd like to conquer them in, create my own virtue log, and begin.  My challenge to you is to consider doing the same.  What do you want to improve in your life?  Is it your health?  Your sleeping habits?  Your prayer life?  Something altogether different?  Consider it.  And once you have, pursue the change.

Reflection

Look in the mirror.  Go ahead...get up from your couch, or desk chair, or where ever you're sitting and go take a peak.  Look for at least ten seconds.  Once you're back, think about what you saw: what were your thoughts?  How did you feel?  If you're anything like me, and most likely if you're female, it takes much fewer than ten seconds to criticize what you see.  Less than five seconds, even, to make yourself feel pretty low.  So what is it about thousands of beautiful women that makes us believe the lie that we are fat, or ugly, or flawed?  What is it that convinces us that our value comes from what we see in that thin piece of reflective glass, which is always a skewed perception anyway?
I didn't realize that people thought I was pretty until college.  I never had guys comment on my looks, but I guess when you're in high school the only guys commenting on people's looks are the ones who have too little self control to not say something inappropriate, so that was fine with me.  My friends often commented on how they wished they had my body, or some aspect of my physical appearance, but I just thought they were crazy and trying to be nice.  Then I got to college and all of a sudden I had guy after guy pursuing me.  I felt like I didn't have to think or try to attract guys - they just came.
Now, I want to switch gears and interject something for a minute.  I'm not sharing these facts about college to brag or to put anyone down.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  I'm sharing these facts because I believe it had a strong negative impact on how I view myself now, and I'm trying to work out the details in order to help myself, and maybe others in the same boat, learn to find value where it really counts.  And I don't just mean to know where value comes from, but to believe it!  Okay, back to the story.
The stream of pursuers and comments continued basically until I met Ben.  I began to rely on them and to expect them.  I liked them.  I enjoyed feeling wanted, and I knew that a big part of that was my appearance.  Even with Ben, hearing the story about the night we met always makes me smile because of how I caught his eye (with my looks) and how I kept it (with everything else).  However...now that we're married and this life I live has become 'normal,' Ben doesn't verbalize that he's attracted to me hardly ever, and neither do any other guys (obviously).  I find myself freaking out about needing to stay in shape, eating well, and looking pretty not so I can actually be in shape or be healthy, but so Ben will always be attracted to me - so my body will never change - and the flaws I see (even though he probably doesn't) are the reason he's not as verbal or pursuant.
Ladies (and any men still reading)...THIS is destructive thinking!  Do not base your value on anything superficial.  You are a beautiful creation and the only thing that's worth any value is that you were created by a very powerful creator, who loves you more deeply than you could ever ask or imagine!  I know not all of you believe in God, but whether you do or not, there is no doubt that your value should be based on something more than a thin layer of flesh.  So how do we fight these fetters filled with lies, deceit, and destruction?
Well, for one thing, we could start by countering the criticism we tell ourselves.  In the Bible study I led for the past five years, we would always tell our girls that they had to say two positive things for every negative thing they said about themselves.  We started it because they really were negative in their younger years, and it was starting to wear on everyone.  Once we begin changing what we vocalized to positive attributes rather than negative, the whole atmosphere of the group transformed.  It worked!  Finding something positive helped us all to think more positively in general.  Start with that!  Be intentionally more positive!
Next, get away from magazines that put you down.  Guys should not read muscle magazines, and girls should not read fashion magazines.  Not only are they unrealistic, they are literally not real.  They are someone's digital artwork.  And all they do is tell the people reading them that they are too big, or their eyes are too narrow, or their lips are too small.  Don't believe it!  Don't even tempt yourself!
My last suggestion is to surround yourself with uplifting people.  I have to say that the best I've felt about myself in the past few years is the weekend trip my girlfriends and I took down to Texas this past January (even though this was also the month I was the heaviest I've been in the past few years).  If you put ten girls who truly love and value each other in the same space, they will undoubtedly lift each other up!  It is a magical thing!  Ladies - you are a great asset!  Love your friends deeply and display that love at all costs!  Share with each other how and why you love each other!  Support each other in your joys and your sorrows!  This. is. so. important.  We can't live without it. We cannot live on the praise of our husbands alone.
Still, even the praise of our friends isn't enough.  And that's where I'm stuck.  That's where I keep falling into the trap of believing what I see in the mirror guides who I am, and that when I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfying to anyone else either.  I know logically that my value comes from God, but sometimes I have a hard time knowing what that even means.  Sometimes I have a hard time not only knowing, but then believing throughout my entire being in its truth.  What more can we do?  How do we turn to Him for good?  How do we steal back the value that's been imaginarily, yet so realistically, stolen from us?  This, my friends, is a dilemma no one can address alone!

New Year's Resolutions?

Okay, okay, okay...it's been over a year since I've written anything.  I know!  But you have no idea how crazy this past year has been.  About this time last year is when I started preparing for teaching my first full time job.  I had no idea at the time how fully consuming it would be to all parts of my life.  For those of you who actually want to see me now and then, don't worry.  Things get better.  Teaching becomes less exhausting, planning takes up less time, and grading...well, I may just be out of luck on that one forever.  I'll figure out something to do about that!
My point in all of this is that I dropped the ball on things that meant a lot to me last year, and in place of them came teaching.  I actually counted, and with the amount of hours I worked each week within the ten-month period, I actually worked the same amount as a person works at over 40 hours within the whole year.  I only saw friends about once every two months.  I rarely exercised.  I never read my Bible except to prepare for c-group.  And really, I gave up so much more.  Ugh...it was awful.  With only weeks before I have to step back into the classroom again, I've really been thinking a lot about how to avoid that this year.  I need balance in my life - we all do - and the only way that's going to happen is if I make it happen.  It's my choice.  And since it's a new year (for teachers and students, anyway), I've decided to create a list of "resolutions" to start things off right.  These are things I want to do regularly, no matter how school's going.  I figured I'd throw it out there for all to see.  That way maybe I'll have a little accountability for it!  Resolutions are notorious for being broken, but not this time.  Huh-uh, not me!  So...here we go:

1) read my Bible every day
2) work out every day
3) visit with a friend once a week
4) get involved in a weekly ministry
5) read at least four books for myself this year
6) write on my blog at least once a week
7) keep the apartment clean
8) spend weekly intentional time with my husband
9) do something new at least once a month
10) do something outside at least once a month

Okay...ten months of school and ten goals.  Not that each one correlates to a month, by any means, but it's kind of a good way to count down, right?  Go for it month by month?  I think so, anyway.  So for all of you reading this, please do check in on me!  Ask me if I'm reading my Bible, come work out with me, or ask to hang out some time!  I would really appreciate it.  Last year was a bit of a disaster.  Though I love teaching in so many ways, if I don't stick to these resolutions I may go crazy.  Help me out with this one, would ya!?

Sun-SHINE!

Well, summer is just around the corner (though our weather wouldn't agree) and it is the first summer since my junior year in high school that I'm not working!  I know most people don't get to enjoy the luxury of having summers off, but I promise you that teachers need it.  It is a very real necessity for us educators.  Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how I'll fill my free time.  It makes me a bit anxious to think I might be home doing nothing for two months!!!  Okay, one month...July's already booked, but August is completely open.  Because of this, I've decided to create a "bucket list" of sorts, but instead of finishing my list before I die I want to finish my list before school starts again next fall.  Feel free to hold me accountable to this list!  I get easily sidetracked by absolutely nothing, and I welcome you to get on my case for staying active.  Okay, so here's the list:

1) Host a dinner party
2) Go hiking weekly
3) Go camping at least once
4) Go to Wild Waves
4) Spend a day at Pike Place Market
5) Travel to a new state (this is kind of cheating...I already know I'm doing this)
6) Go to an outdoor concert
7) Create something - probably artwork of some kind
8) Go Kayaking
9) Work in my mama's yard
10) Spend more time with family

I figure 10 items allows for one item every 3 days or so, which  is probably reasonable.  It is only a month, after all!  Anyway, summer starts this coming weekend...here we go!

Living in "community"

I have never before experienced the feeling of complete aloneness in a room of over one hundred people until this morning.  Still, that's exactly how my day started.  I just got back from the women's conference at my church about an hour ago.  I was supposed to be there until 2:30 (it's now only noon) but I left early.  I used the excuse that I wasn't feeling well, which was true.  I guess a queasy stomach, a headache, and physical weakness was a good enough cover-up for what else I was feeling.  Truly,  I left because I felt unbelievably alone.  I'm not surprised I was one of a handful of ladies under thirty.  What I didn't expect was that in a church I've attended for 15 years, the church I consider home, I would enter a room and be completely disregarded.
The conference started  with a breakfast in which all of us ladies were shuffled into a room to eat fruit and pastries.  After moving through the buffet line, I turned around to find a place to sit and realized I knew no one. Everyone sat in cliques and clusters joyfully chatting away, while I stood feeling like the new kid in a cafeteria.  After a few minutes of awkwardly dancing in place, stepping side to side making an attempt to head in one direction or the other, I sat down next to a couple of ladies whose faces looked familiar but whose names I didn't know.  Awkwardly pausing their conversation, they asked me my name and said hello, then went quickly back to their own little world.  The worst part was their acute awareness of my presence with a very intentional avoidance of including me in conversation.  At first I tried to listen in and be a part of it, but after a few minutes of staring at the back of one lady's head - she was very much turned away from me - I decided to become very interested in my oranges and bananas instead of the people around me.
Eventually a new lady sat down next to me and was very friendly!  She asked me about myself and what I liked, and told me about her three daughters and their busy lives.  She was a joy; she was a sigh of relief for that quick moment!  However, she was eventually drawn into the other ladies' conversation and I went back to staring at my fruit.  Maybe the ill feeling inside of me made me a little more sensitive, but by the end of breakfast I was just avoiding eye contact so people couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes.
After 45 minutes of social torture, we headed into the sanctuary where the conference started.  Kathy, a good friend of my aunt's, invited me to sit with her and I was so relieved!  Kathy, if you read this, thank you for that!  I really needed to feel included at  that point, and you are always so good at making me feel welcome and loved!  I appreciate your openness always, but I especially appreciated it today!
As I sat through the morning session of the speaker's talk, I still just didn't feel settled.  I was now surrounded by people I knew, so that part was better, but what I kept mulling over in my mind was how completely alone I had felt that morning, and how astonished I was at that fact!  What I realized is that there is a huge disconnect between ministries within my church.  I've always known there is an age gap, but attending the conference this morning illuminated the transparent screens hung between each  group within our church to separate one from the other.  That is NOT how church should be!
As Christians, we are called to live in community.  One definition of community I found is "a region occupied by a group  of interacting organisms."  Well, we as organisms were occupying the same region, but where was the interaction?  Another, which I like more, being "sharing, participation, and fellowship."  Within the "community"  of the church body, I experienced very little sharing, participation, or fellowship between community members - even those I knew.  If we are to live in community together, shouldn't we be inclusive?  If I've attended the same church for fifteen years and felt this isolated, what would someone feel if they took the risk of coming to an event for the first time and experiencing what I experienced?  No wonder people are so critical of the church! We are a horrible representation of the sharing, participation, and fellowship that He has called us to!
My time at the conference was not pleasant by any definition, but it did make me realize that I am just as at fault for falling into my own comfort zone time and time again.  I can't think of the last time I met someone new at church!   I go to church to learn about my relationship with God and hear as if on repeat the message that we are supposed to open up to our community, yet how am I doing so?  Yes, I help in youth group. Yet that one small sector of the church is only a part of the larger church body.  How am I connected to everyone else?  We may be organisms occupying the same region, but I as well as anyone need to make a stronger effort to share, participate, and fellowship more deeply in the greater scene.  My experience made me realize that I would like to find a way to bridge the gap between ministries within the church and strengthen what God has really called us to as a community.  Now I just have to figure out how to do this!

So be it!

Give unto us, O Lord, the quietness of mind
in which we can hear you speaking to us,
for your own name's sake.
Lord, you have taught us in your word
that there is a time to speak
and a time to keep silent.
As we thank you for the power of speech,
we pray for the grace of silence.
Make us as ready to listen as we are to talk,
ready to listen to your voice in the quietness of our hearts
and ready to listen to other people
who need a sympathetic ear.
Show us when to open our mouths and when to hold our peace
that we may glorify You both in speech and in silence
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

The Sub Way

When people ask me what I do for work, I say that I'm a teacher.  I don't mention right away that I'm a substitute because, honestly, it's kind of embarrassing.  Instead, I wade my way through the conversation, hoping that our discourse won't turn to specifics and that I'll get away without saying that I don't have my own class.  Maybe being a substitute doesn't seem like it's a big deal, but I didn't CHOOSE to be a substitute.  As a young teacher fresh out of grad school, I feel like the fact that I don't have my own classroom is a reflection of failure.  I'm not good enough.  No one wants me.  I'm not worth the effort.  Instead, I walk into a new building every day and I sign in in the mornings - because I'm a "stranger" - and I sign out at the end of the day and that's the length of any one school's commitment. 

When you get into a routine and you start returning to the same schools it gets a little better.  The office ladies know your name and say hello to you rather than just hand you your folder and walk away, and teachers recognize you.  Some of the kids even comment that they've had you before as you walk past in the hall or after school.  However, there's still no community.  Eating in the staff room is a disaster.  No one invites you to sit with them; it's like being the new kid in an elementary school.  Hense the reason I stay in the classroom for lunch.

The students can be really terrible, too.  Elementary school children think you know everything and high schoolers think you know nothing.  And maybe that's the case, one way or another, but neither scenario is a good thing.  They both add stress, and classroom management is infinitely more difficult when you can't call out a kid's name who's talking out of turn or being distracting.  Some classes are dreams, and some are nightmares. I will never return to certain schools, and other schools I'd love to work at permanently.  You never know how things will end up. 

Lately I've been substituting at Kentridge on a long-term position.  I am in the same classroom for six and a half weeks with the same kids, making my own lesson plans, putting in my own grades, and even making my own seating charts.  Now THIS is how it's supposed to be!

However, it's also been one of the most challenging jobs I've ever had.  Not because my kids are little hellians (well, some of them are), but because I could tell within a few days that the teacher I'm taking over for teaches nothing like I teach.  She didn't have a seating chart, didn't give out homework, and basically accepted late work any time after the assignment was due without any penalty (according to her students, anyway).  It's not that her system is wrong, but it's not one that I can easily adjust to.  Working here long term has helped me formulate my own system of discipline, organize my classroom in a manner that makes sense to me, and has allowed me to teach two new units to two new demographics of students.  It is wonderful! 

I am able to feel the success of teaching and help my students learn.  It is so rewarding when they really get it!  I am able to succeed for myself and have confidence in the fact that I don't have a job is because of the budget cuts and a lack of money rather than that they just don't want me.  I'm able to put my teaching into practice and gain skills and knowledge that will help me when I do have my own classroom.  And I'm also able to gain contacts and connections through this long-term job that may lead to a job next year (pray! pray! pray!).  Oh, please, God, let me get a job next year!

In two weeks I'll go back to teaching day-to-day in different schools, but I will be able to go into those situations knowing more about classroom management and control, as well as various teaching strategies to apply to a wide range of activities and assignments.  Substituting is hard and exhausting - if people ever envy teachers for having the summers off, all they have to do is experience the other nine or ten months to understand why it's necessary!  Though this year has been one of the biggest challenges of my life in many different ways, I am so happy to have the skills I have learned and continue to learn.  I really am a good teacher, and I have a lot to offer my students and peers!

Shielded

It was hard to be swept into a work week like an undercurrent stealing your footing after Ben and I had two weeks off for winter break.  By the time work was over on Monday, we wanted anything but more stress.  I had planned a simple meal on a relaxing evening with nothing to do but put our feet up after a long day.  However, as easy as French dip is to make, simple and relaxing is by no means how our night turned out!
After swinging by the grocery store, I finally walked through the door of our comfy little apartment at about 6:30 and got straight to work on our dinner.  Hoagie rolls, roast beef, butter, and au juis sauce...four simple ingredients, right?  Not this night!  I turned the oven to broil and got to working on spreading the butter on the hoagies.  However, my butter was so hard that it pulled at the bread with every swipe of my knife and tore holes in each piece.  Frustration number one. 
Once the rolls were finally ready for broiling, I realized that I had forgotten to move the rack in the oven to the top shelf.  When you broil, the rack is supposed to be at the highest level or else it doesn't work right - it'll just bake it instead.  So, as I realized frustration number two, I set the rolls down in their pan on top of the stove and pulled the rack out to move it.  The oven walls must have expanded from the heat, however, because I couldn't get the rack back in once I had pulled it out. 
In the midst of whining about the rack, Ben and I noticed a burning smell coming from the stove top.  At the same time I buttered the bread, I had put the au juis sauce in a pan on the burner.  The instructions said to simmer the sauce for ten minutes.  Okay, no problem.  Turn it on and let it go.  But, continuing in the pattern of the evening, of COURSE that's not how it went.  Five minutes into the ten-minute boiling period. there was no juice left.  Instead, we had a hot pan with a layer of crispy spices stuck to the bottom.  Tastey, huh?
At this, I lost it.  I couldn't deal with dinner any more.  How could such a simple meal become such a disaster?  I quickly reverted back to age five and threw a fit in the middle of the kitchen, Ben kindly asked if he could take over and suggested that I go do something else.  Yes, please, I'll leave the kitchen!  Gladly!  What a nightmare evening!  So, I shuffled off into the bedroom to take a few minutes to rest.
Shortly after my tantrum and it sounded like everything had calmed down in the kitchen, Ben snuck in and laid down on the bed next to me.  We were laying in silence, listening to one another breathe, when I asked if he had put the bread in the oven (I was worried it was broiling and was going to burn).  "Well, the pan exploded," he said.
"What?!?  What do you mean the pan exploded?" I asked in response.

The pyrex that we had ever so carelessly set on the top of the stove had been set on a hot burner.  When I left the kitchen, Ben went to work on shoving the rack back into the oven.  Suddenly the pyrex pan exploded no more than two feet from his face. 
It's moments like these that God is so obviously present!  By His grace alone, the glass flew in every direction except exactly where Ben was standing.  We had glass in our living room, our bathroom, our dining room, in every crevace of our kitchen, in a bag of chocolates, in our kitchenaide mixer, in our oven...everywhere except for the place he was standing.  There was even glass between where Ben's feet had been, and directly behind him in the sink.
We went out to assess the damage, and it was seriously amazing!  The glass was so hot that it burned our kitchen floors, our counters, and our carpet in the dining room.  I'm sure we'll be paying for that when the time comes to move out!  It took us an hour and half to clean everything up that night, and we still had work to do.  Even now I still find tiny pieces of glass in random places.  We didn't get to rest that night until 8:30 - two hours after we got home.  We eventually did get to sit down and watch a show and eat our French dip (we went for round two, which was a success), but I think we were both so focused on God's amazing gift of protection that evening that nothing else really mattered at that point! 
Even when we are surrounded by frustrations and annoyances and are completely exhausted like we were that night, God is ultimately in charge of the results, which can only be good.  "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose," (Romans 8:28).  He works in ALL things, and we are blessed by his works!

Fear(less)

Fear is a subtle anesthetic.  Often times we don't even realize how much power we've lost to it until we're almost completely numb.  I'm not talking about a fear of spiders or not knowing how to swim; I mean those deep fears of whether or not we'll be left alone, whether things will ever get better, or whether we're good enough.  I have come to realize through my own experience and conversations with other women that most of us ladies experience fear emotionally and socially, and our emotions tend to run over into the other facets of our lives.  Even the most logical of us can be fettered by  fear! It's destructive and hurtful to ourselves, to those around us, and to our relationship with God.  Why can't we just brush the fear off our shoulders and get rid of that extra weight?  It's just never that easy, is it?
I've had a hard time writing even what I have down so far because fear is a big problem for me, but I think that the topic of fear is so important!  Ladies, do not let your fears consume you!  I have a habit of dwelling on negative things that happen to me, especially in my relationship with Ben.  When I spend ninety percent of my time focused on what has happened, what might've happened, and what could happen in the future, I leave very little time for God.  And I show God that I have no trust in him.  1 Peter 4:12 says "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trail when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you."  Each time my fears take over I forget how many times in the past that God has brought me through things.  Especially as Christians, Satan will do everything in his power to withdraw our attention from glorifying God.  The stronger we are as Christians, the stronger Satan's attacks come.  We are also told again and again how God will protect us, how he cares for us, how he saves us...The fact is that when our mind is filled with our fears, there is no room to remember his promises to us.  We block him out and replace him with falsities and untruths.  We have to remember to "Consider it pure joy, my [sisters] when you are faced with trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2).  That doesn't mean it's easy, but our Joy comes from the contentment and satisfaction that God is in control and has providential power over everything.  Remember to set your mind on "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy..." (Phil. 4:8).
Something I need to do more frequently and I suggest others do as well is to consume your mind with Biblical scripture to fight these fears.  If our mind is already full, nothing else can fill it.  To start each day full of truth and goodness makes a lot more sense than allowing fears and failures to creep in instead. We need to become fearless, not fear-full.