When people ask me what I do for work, I say that I'm a teacher. I don't mention right away that I'm a substitute because, honestly, it's kind of embarrassing. Instead, I wade my way through the conversation, hoping that our discourse won't turn to specifics and that I'll get away without saying that I don't have my own class. Maybe being a substitute doesn't seem like it's a big deal, but I didn't CHOOSE to be a substitute. As a young teacher fresh out of grad school, I feel like the fact that I don't have my own classroom is a reflection of failure. I'm not good enough. No one wants me. I'm not worth the effort. Instead, I walk into a new building every day and I sign in in the mornings - because I'm a "stranger" - and I sign out at the end of the day and that's the length of any one school's commitment.
When you get into a routine and you start returning to the same schools it gets a little better. The office ladies know your name and say hello to you rather than just hand you your folder and walk away, and teachers recognize you. Some of the kids even comment that they've had you before as you walk past in the hall or after school. However, there's still no community. Eating in the staff room is a disaster. No one invites you to sit with them; it's like being the new kid in an elementary school. Hense the reason I stay in the classroom for lunch.
The students can be really terrible, too. Elementary school children think you know everything and high schoolers think you know nothing. And maybe that's the case, one way or another, but neither scenario is a good thing. They both add stress, and classroom management is infinitely more difficult when you can't call out a kid's name who's talking out of turn or being distracting. Some classes are dreams, and some are nightmares. I will never return to certain schools, and other schools I'd love to work at permanently. You never know how things will end up.
Lately I've been substituting at Kentridge on a long-term position. I am in the same classroom for six and a half weeks with the same kids, making my own lesson plans, putting in my own grades, and even making my own seating charts. Now THIS is how it's supposed to be!
However, it's also been one of the most challenging jobs I've ever had. Not because my kids are little hellians (well, some of them are), but because I could tell within a few days that the teacher I'm taking over for teaches nothing like I teach. She didn't have a seating chart, didn't give out homework, and basically accepted late work any time after the assignment was due without any penalty (according to her students, anyway). It's not that her system is wrong, but it's not one that I can easily adjust to. Working here long term has helped me formulate my own system of discipline, organize my classroom in a manner that makes sense to me, and has allowed me to teach two new units to two new demographics of students. It is wonderful!
I am able to feel the success of teaching and help my students learn. It is so rewarding when they really get it! I am able to succeed for myself and have confidence in the fact that I don't have a job is because of the budget cuts and a lack of money rather than that they just don't want me. I'm able to put my teaching into practice and gain skills and knowledge that will help me when I do have my own classroom. And I'm also able to gain contacts and connections through this long-term job that may lead to a job next year (pray! pray! pray!). Oh, please, God, let me get a job next year!
In two weeks I'll go back to teaching day-to-day in different schools, but I will be able to go into those situations knowing more about classroom management and control, as well as various teaching strategies to apply to a wide range of activities and assignments. Substituting is hard and exhausting - if people ever envy teachers for having the summers off, all they have to do is experience the other nine or ten months to understand why it's necessary! Though this year has been one of the biggest challenges of my life in many different ways, I am so happy to have the skills I have learned and continue to learn. I really am a good teacher, and I have a lot to offer my students and peers!
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