This all comes up because lately I've...well...I've felt like a teenager. It's true that teachers often act like the age they teach, but that's not exactly what I mean. What I mean is that over the past month or so I've gone through more of that self-discovery than I remember ever doing, even when I really was a teenager. You see, it all started at the very beginning of second semester when I had the week from hell of grading papers, planning new units, and trying to get all of my report card grades in before the due date. I was more stressed out and frazzled that week than any other this school year so far - and hopefully more so than any other week for the rest of the school year as well! My grades were due on a Thursday at 3 p.m. but I didn't finish them until after 5 p.m. I know this doesn't sound that bad, but when it means nearly $200 off your paycheck, it's a big enough issue to feel some pain. Just before I finished my grades, Ben called to see if I wanted to tag along with him and my cousin to a movie as a "celebration" for finishing everything. First of all, it wasn't a celebration. Kevin (my cousin) asked Ben if he wanted to go and Ben didn't want to be rude and not ask me, so he made up an excuse to make it sound all fluffy and positive.
Well, in my state of bewilderment and extreme exhaustion, I said I didn't want to go, but that he could go without me. About five minutes later I came to my senses and realized A) I hadn't seen my husband all week because I'd been working so much, and B) that I had been alone and stressed for so many hours that afternoon that I really wasn't okay with him going without me. Just this once I wanted him to stay home. So, I called him back and told him my thoughts. I asked him if he wouldn't mind staying home because of all that I'd had to deal with that week. His response was, "No, I can't. It's too late. I told Kevin I'd go and now I'm going." ...seriously?!?! Okay, so I get not going back on your word, but I also get that as husband and wife we're supposed to be each other's priority and I'd had one of the worst weeks of my life with no help from my husband! On that note, I need to back up even further.
At the beginning of the week I said to Ben, "I'm really going to need your help this week. I'm just not going to have time to do everything I normally do around here and I could really use some support, like cooking dinners and stuff." He seemed to understand during our conversation, yet he did absolutely nothing during the week to help me or support me in any way. Our house was a mess, I hadn't had dinner in three days, and my resentment grew more and more. With the pressure building up inside my volcano of irritation, the whole movie thing was absolutely the last straw.
When I got home we had a sharp talk about that ended in me saying he was selfish and this was just a magnified week of how I feel all the time. At that, he left for the movie and I left for the gym. Resolved. Okay, not at all. When we were both home later, we decided this was a conversation for our counselor (yes, we go to a counselor and we LOVE it! We suggest it to every new married couple) and shelved the issue minus a few apologies until the next week.
So, that's where I'm going to end for now. I know it's totally inconclusive and doesn't even get into the whole "re-teen" issue, but the background was necessary...and it was nice to vent :).
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