Re-Teen Part 2: The Realization

In my last blog, I began by saying I've been doing a lot of self-discovery lately; however, I didn't actually get to explain any of that discovery.  In this blog I'm going to explain how it all started.  After the little (excuse me, big) argument between Ben and I, we decided this was something we needed to talk about at counseling.  That Thursday we discussed all sorts of things revolving around the idea that our lives together naturally gravitate toward Ben's desires and needs.  When we disagree on something, even little things like what spices to put on chicken, he gets his way.  It's my nature to default to the other person.  I've always thought of it as selfless and generous, but what I found out about my history with this sort of behavior is interesting.
Ed, our counselor, asked me about this pattern of compliance and we discovered that it started before I can even remember.  I've always defaulted to the other person in my relationships.  I actually think that's one of my good qualities as a teacher - that I actually care about what my students think, do, and desire.  Anyway, Ed said that this type of behavior often stems from a really rocky childhood.  Well, my parents got divorced when I was two or three, and my dad is a very angry person, so it would make sense that my early years were rocky.  I asked my mom if there was a lot of fighting in the house in the first couple years of my life, however, and she said no.  She said that my dad was always gone and she was really good about tip-toeing around in a way that would keep the peace.  Well, huh...no fighting.  So when I brought this up to Ed, his question was "Well, then who raised you?"  ...crickets...
For me personally, that's a hard question to answer.  I was passed around as a child, even in the first two years of my life.  My dad was always gone and my mom worked nearly sixty hours a week, so really she was always gone too.  My Aunt Ginna and my grandma took care of me the most, but I never had any solid ground.  Ah, so there it is...Ed said that one of the most important things in a person's first two years of life is the idea of "mirroring."  If you're my student and you're reading this, this might very well be something you learned in health class this semester.  Anyway, the idea of mirroring is that a baby learns his or her existence through the validation of those he or she bonds with.  A baby smiles, the mom smiles back, etc.  But this can't just happen from any person - this has to happen to a person you create a serious bond with, and if you're passed around from house to house all of your life you never have the chance to create that bond.  Because of how I was raised in the first two years of my life (and my whole life...this really didn't stop ever), I had two paths I could have commonly taken: defiance or compliance.  I am the compliant one.
What this means is that I never developed a sense of self.  My individuality was never validated through that necessary bond.  To add onto all this, my mom was a very lonely person.  She and I never fought (compliance) and we were always really close.  But the problem is that she depended on me.  Not that parents shouldn't depend on their children, but she depended on me to "complete" her, in a sense.  Without realizing it, her loneliness was my responsibility.
I remember one time in particular where this was the case.  It was the 4th of July the summer after seventh grade.  I went to a friend's house for the evening and had a wonderful time.  It was the first time I'd spent a holiday away from my mom, however.  When she picked me up, I could feel the tension in the air.  When we got home I walked to the front door and instead of following me she started the car and took off.  She left me on the porch by myself with no clue as to what I'd done wrong.  She came back about five minutes later (good thing, 'cause it was cold and dark) and explained how she'd felt so hurt that I hadn't spent the 4th of July with her.  She hadn't asked me to spend it with her, nor had she said anything about wanting me to when I mentioned going to my friend's place.  Instead I felt the repercussions of something I hadn't any fault in.  I didn't know that then, though.  Instead I felt guilty - a pattern that continues even to this day when I try to put something I want over someone else's desires.
This is the new skill I'm learning.  This is where the soul-searching comes in.  Because I've never put myself above other people, I have no idea what my desires are.  I don't know what I want in life.  I know little things, like what to do when I'm alone (that's another piece to the puzzle), but when it comes to other people and the bigger picture, I'm completely lost.
*sigh*  So, all that to explain this compliance that led to the blow-up between Ben and I and all of the soul-searching I've done lately.  For our entire marriage I've been succumbing to his desires without him knowing we even had different opinions.  The truth is that much of this wasn't his fault, however, there is still the issue of being inconsiderate...that'll have to be part 3.  Or part 4...the alone thing needs to come in here somewhere, too.

Re-Teen Part 1: Frustration

It's often said that the teen years are those of discovering who you are.  As a high school teacher, I can attest that that's very much true.  I love watching my students discover themselves, mull things over in their brains, struggle with life until the get it right...self-realization is a gratifying process to observe.  However, self-realization is also very emotional.  That's something quite observable in teenagers as well. 
This all comes up because lately I've...well...I've felt like a teenager.  It's true that teachers often act like the age they teach, but that's not exactly what I mean.  What I mean is that over the past month or so I've gone through more of that self-discovery than I remember ever doing, even when I really was a teenager.  You see, it all started at the very beginning of second semester when I had the week from hell of grading papers, planning new units, and trying to get all of my report card grades in before the due date.  I was more stressed out and frazzled that week than any other this school year so far - and hopefully more so than any other week for the rest of the school year as well!  My grades were due on a Thursday at 3 p.m. but I didn't finish them until after 5 p.m.  I know this doesn't sound that bad, but when it means nearly $200 off your paycheck, it's a big enough issue to feel some pain.  Just before I finished my grades, Ben called to see if I wanted to tag along with him and my cousin to a movie as a "celebration" for finishing everything.  First of all, it wasn't a celebration.  Kevin (my cousin) asked Ben if he wanted to go and Ben didn't want to be rude and not ask me, so he made up an excuse to make it sound all fluffy and positive.
Well, in my state of bewilderment and extreme exhaustion, I said I didn't want to go, but that he could go without me.  About five minutes later I came to my senses and realized A) I hadn't seen my husband all week because I'd been working so much, and B) that I had been alone and stressed for so many hours that afternoon that I really wasn't okay with him going without me.  Just this once I wanted him to stay home.  So, I called him back and told him my thoughts.  I asked him if he wouldn't mind staying home because of all that I'd had to deal with that week.  His response was, "No, I can't.  It's too late.  I told Kevin I'd go and now I'm going."  ...seriously?!?!  Okay, so I get not going back on your word, but I also get that as husband and wife we're supposed to be each other's priority and I'd had one of the worst weeks of my life with no help from my husband!  On that note, I need to back up even further.
At the beginning of the week I said to Ben, "I'm really going to need your help this week.  I'm just not going to have time to do everything I normally do around here and I could really use some support, like cooking dinners and stuff."  He seemed to understand during our conversation, yet he did absolutely nothing during the week to help me or support me in any way.  Our house was a mess, I hadn't had dinner in three days, and my resentment grew more and more.  With the pressure building up inside my volcano of irritation, the whole movie thing was absolutely the last straw.
When I got home we had a sharp talk about that ended in me saying he was selfish and this was just a magnified week of how I feel all the time.  At that, he left for the movie and I left for the gym.  Resolved.  Okay, not at all.  When we were both home later, we decided this was a conversation for our counselor (yes, we go to a counselor and we LOVE it!  We suggest it to every new married couple) and shelved the issue minus a few apologies until the next week.
So, that's where I'm going to end for now.  I know it's totally inconclusive and doesn't even get into the whole "re-teen" issue, but the background was necessary...and it was nice to vent :).

LA Fitness

This past January, LA Fitness opened in Fairwood.  I was so excited for it to open because it was my first shot and becoming healthy again in a long time!  When I was in high school I never even had to try to look in shape.  I guess I've got good genes, but everyone in my family had pretty amazing bodies when we were young.  My girl cousins were all tiny (actually, they still are) and my boy cousins had huge muscles and v-shaped torsos without lifting a single weight.  I was clueless as to what made a good workout or how people lost weight - I never needed it before recently.
The last ten years have been a series of ups and downs based on my lifestyle and stress level, but I still never did anything about my weight or fitness because it always ended up in about the same spot.  Up until a couple months into my teaching career I was never concerned about my weight...I always figured I'd lose what I put on and that it was just a phase.  However, I expected this last "phase" to end at the end of last school year.  If any of you decide to become teachers, understand that your first year of teaching is hell.  I have never done anything so time consuming, stressful, and tiring.  Sometimes I don't understand how I got through it!  All of the stress added up to a few extra pounds and I expected them to fall off during the summer when the stress went away.  Here we are, half way through my second year of teaching, and they're still here.  When I learned they weren't going away as easily as they had in the past, I realized quickly that I needed to do something about it, so I joined the gym.
So...that brings us up to date...I've been working out for two months now and I haven't lost a pound.  It's been the most frustrating process.  I did, however, just go in for my fitness assessment and was very enlightened on the whole weight loss process.  I've been going about it all wrong!  I've been pushing the cardio workouts because my understanding was that cardio increased your metabolism.  I was very wrong.  What I should have been doing this whole time was strength training.  What???  You mean I have to go use those machines???  Holy crap...but I have no clue how.
Yes, that's how I feel right now.  It's not that I'm not willing to use them, but I have to say my pride's trying to resist situations that will make me look like a complete fool and that's how I feel on those machines.  I just don't know what I'm doing.  Yeah, I guess I could get a personal trainer for a while and go from there, but that's just more money, and this whole fitness thing is expensive as it is!
I've been doing my research, though, and I've found a lot of websites that explain how to work out effectively.  First of all, you're supposed to push yourself.  You should only be doing 8-12 reps per set (I'm not sure if I'm using the vocab right) and you should be lifting an amount that makes you lose your form by the eighth repetition.  Apparently this is more effective than doing more repetitions at a lower weight. I've been working out this way the past two times I've gone to the gym and I can already feel a difference.  I'm not saying I've lost weight already, but I can feel a difference in my muscles - mostly angry muscles that are sore from me pushing them further than they're used to, but they're just whiny babies right now.  They'll get used to it :). 
Anyway, this is probably not an interesting post for most of you, but one last bit before I close up: I see a lot of my students at LA Fitness.  Yes, it's a bit weird, but I'm getting used to it.  If I ever see you there and I'm on the machines, feel free to show me how to use them or to give your own input.  I'm new at this and need all the help I can get!

Alexi Murdoch

If you haven't seen Away We Go, you might want to - especially if you're a twenty-something on the verge of having kids and moving forward with the solidification of what will be your life for the rest of...well...your life.  Okay, so I understand that I'm doing this blog for my teenage students and you're definitely not on the verge of solidifying what the rest of your life will look like, in fact many of you have yet to figure out who you are, but the movie is amazing.  We watched it on our trip to Manzanita with Kevin and Michelle and it was a great mix of humor, awkwardness, and real, true, emotion.  AND it had an amazing soundtrack.  All of the songs are done by Alexi Murdoch, who is amazing.  I'm a little bit obsessed right now.  Honestly, I have a lot of music I want to buy currently.  This is on the softer side, but it's so good.  He writes the kind of music that soothes and draws out emotion at the same time.  Not exactly dance party material, but so good.

Manzanita

I'm sitting here thinking of what to write about the four-day trip to Manzanita, Oregon my husband and I just went on...for some reason I'm at a complete loss of words, yet I know clearly that I want to write about my trip.  I guess I just don't know where to start!  I could talk about the amazing beauty of the ocean and of the fog rolling over the mountains of the Oregon coast; or I could talk about the quaint town of artistic boutiques, coffee houses, and restaurants; or I could talk about the dead heron I almost stepped on twice (yes, twice) while I was walking on the beach...I guess as I think about it, what really sticks out to me isn't the location at all, though Manzanita is a beautiful coastal town, but rather the amazing friendship Ben and I are blessed to have with my cousin Kevin and his wife Michelle.
Kevin and Michelle are actually the reason Ben and I met.  Michelle suggested to Kevin  that they should get us together.  Kevin's response was, "But she's my cousin!"  I guess he couldn't imagine one of his best friends dating his family member, but Michelle had other plans.  In February of 2008 both Ben and I attended my cousin's 25th birthday party in Ballard at a little pub called the Lock and Keel.  Ben noticed me instantly, but it took me until the very end of the night to clue in to any hint of attraction on his part.  We went on our first date two weeks later (I was in grad school and had finals to take care of before we could go out) and packed three more dates into one week before he flew to Vietnam and Indonesia on a two-week mission trip.  The rest is history in the making!  But the role Kevin and Michelle have played in our relationship didn't stop there.
Kevin was Ben's best man in our wedding and Michelle was one of my bridesmaids.  They're two of our best friends, but they're also family.  Ben lived with Kevin and Michelle for four months before we got married, Michelle found the first apartment Ben and I lived in as a married couple, and they have supported us in so many other ways.  Mostly, though, they are so amazingly fun!  I guess that's why I was so excited to go on this little trip.  We've never gone on a trip with friends before (crazy, huh?) so I have to admit I was a little nervous.  I feel like married couples get set in their ways so quickly that if two couples kind of clash in living styles, vacationing together can be difficult.  Luckily, that wasn't the case for us.  We read, we played games, we ate great food, we walked on the beach, we drank coffee, we watched great movies...the list goes on and on and not once did anything go wrong!  I love trips like that.  I love to feel relaxed and have fun without any worries or stress (oh, did I mention I didn't bring any work with me???  That's rare...I'm almost always working on the weekends).  We were able to laugh and be crazy, but we also had some great deep talks as well.  It is a wonderful gift to have such close friends that you can go through anything together and come out the other end strengthened. 

ABRUPT INTERRUPTION: Gosh, I have to admit I feel like this is completely articulate and I don't know where I'm going with it, but I'm just going to leave it.  The reason I don't blog as much as I'd like to is because I'm always trying to perfect my writing instead of doing any more writing.  Ugh...I frustrate myself.  One last try at something descriptive.  I think I'll take a different route with this:

One other thing about Manzanita is that it's beautiful there.  We were lucky enough to have one sunny day in which we walked into town and walked to the beach, and it was perfect.  No block holds more than three or four little shops, all stacked one upon the other like colorful row-houses.  One main street runs from the edge of town straight to the beach and never guides more than a handful of cars down its path.  Every shop is picturesque with its perfectly-placed window displays and catchy beach-front names.  As you walk the ten or so blocks to the beach, the smell of every kind of food and treat wafts through the air along the way.  My favorite is the seafood, probably because Ben doesn't like it and I never eat it at home :).
Once down at the beach, the sand and waves run on for miles.  If you look to the left, it's as if you're viewing the end of the earth.  A white haze covers the distant edge of the land and water and fades into the sky.  If you look to the right, the beach curves abruptly as it meets the stiff ridges of the neighboring mountainside that seems to guard the ocean like the queen's army.  There's a little inlet at the end of the beach just before the cliffs and that's where our cabin sat.
Back at the cabin, the wall of glass windows stares out upon the green hillside, which is home for residents ranging from goats, to elk, to various avian wildlife that dart from tree to tree, shaking the rain from the branches.  On our second full day at the cabin we stayed inside and relaxed in our pajamas as the fog rolled in over the inlet.  The white mist sat on the trees like a bride's veil covering her beauty, yet adding to it through the mystery of the unknown.  It was the perfect circumstance for relaxing brainlessly with a good book and a cup of tea, which is exactly what we did.

Living Well

So, I chose my blog title based on a quote by Aristotle about the profession of teaching.  It states, "Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life,
those the art of living well."  It's not that I believe the quote is completely accurate, I would never belittle the role of a parent, but rather that I hope I can be a teacher who is honorable and respected based on my ability to teach and my relationship with my students.  I'm not searching for respect to get on any high-horse.  I'm saying I hope what I do on a daily basis and the effort I put into my job yields respect in a way that other professions don't have the ability to do.  I hope I do my job well.  I hope the amount of hours I put into teaching, planning, and grading is reflected in my classroom and in my students and I hope that through my teaching and our relationships that my students do at least get a glimpse into the art of living well.
I guess writing this on a blog that I'm writing based on an assignment I gave my students is a little weird...I know some of them will read it and it's not my goal to get the message across that they need to "respect me or else..."  It's just what's on my mind.  I guess it's always on my mind!  Am I impactful?  Am I effective?  Is my teaching worth the time?  What are they getting out of this?  Obviously, sometimes, the answer is "they're getting nothing out of this...this lesson sucks."  However, I hope and pray with all of my heart that that's not the majority.  I hope and pray with this assignment that that's not the truth!  I know it wasn't last year - I know many students who resented this assignment when we first started and grew to love it (and even to continue journaling after the assignment was over). 
Anyway, as a fairly new teacher I understand that I have a ton to learn.  There's no doubt in my mind that for years to come I will be adjusting and editing my lessons and my style in order to improve and accommodate the needs of my students.  Hopefully someday I truly will be able to teach my students the art of living well, whether it's a glimpse right now or completely non-existent.  I sure hope so, anyway!

Kitty Softpaws

If you've seen the new Puss in Boots movie, you know exactly who Kitty Softpaws is as well as how she got her name.  Well...the Bethea household how has our own Kitty Softpaws.  We had to take Mika in today to get her claws removed.  I understand that this is a controversial issue, but once she started lacerating our furniture, our arms, and our other cat, we decided it had to be done.  And it wasn't an easy decision - trust me!
When a cat gets declawed, it's entire first knuckle is removed.  Take a look at your hands.  Can you imagine what it would be like to have the first knuckle of each of your fingers removed???  Honestly, every time I think about it I wince.  It makes me sad inside and I start to feel more empathy for our helpless little cat than any human should for any animal.  I'm not saying a person shouldn't feel sad or be compassionate toward animals; I'm just saying that this really isn't as big of a deal as I make it in my head.
Think about it this way: serious ballerinas often have their toe nails removed from their big toes in order to adapt to standing on the tips of their feet.  Much along those lines, when a cat lives permanently indoors, they often also need to adjust to their circumstances, which often means removing their claws.  People may argue that it's inhumane or that the owner's taking away any ability for the cat to protect itself, but if a cat lives indoors only it no longer has the need to protect itself.  The pain is temporary - just like any surgery - and the outcome is greatly advantageous to the other options for both the cat and the owner.  If we didn't get Mika declawed, we'd have to take her back to the shelter.  I love her way too much to send her away!
I've actually spent most of my night making sure she's okay.  Pathetic, I know.  She just looks so groggy and out of it from the pain medication and her paws look somehow deflated.  It's weird, actually.  I don't know if I'm imagining it, but the tips of her toes look thinner than they used to.  She's so social, so she's enjoyed me coming in and checking up on her every once in a while.  She even scooted around on her little chair so she could put her head on my arm (I was sitting on the floor, resting my head on my arm on top of the chair).  It was pretty cute.
Anyway, I highly doubt anyone even cares about this post - this is more just me thinking and processing through my fingers - and I have to admit that it rambles a bit, but I just had to get it out.  I had to write about it.  It doesn't hurt that I'm trying to be better about posting more frequent blogs, either :)

Taking a Hint from Benjamin Franklin

Temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity, and humility.  What do these incredibly difficult characteristics have in common?  Benjamin Franklin includes these thirteen virtues in his autobiography, explaining his overly formulaic attempt to improve his character and lifestyle.  So...what's the point?  Well, you see, Franklin also explained how after coming up with the thirteen virtues, he tracked his progress on the virtues in a log organized for each day of the week (see the example below).  He built on his virtues in succession - once he mastered the first one, he'd add the second.  Once he mastered the second, he'd add on the third.  He did this with each one until he'd mastered them all (or at least he'd come close).  At the end of this section of his autobiography, he leaves his readers with the following words: "I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit."  Ladies and Gentlemen, I am one of those descendants who has chosen to take on the task of reaping the benefits!

I have talked a lot in the past about resolutions, changes, additions, and any other number of improvements I'd like to make to my life.  However, I often feel so overwhelmed by this list of self-improvements that nothing gets done!  I first read about Benjamin Franklin's quest for virtue last year when teaching Rationalist literature to my American Literature class.  I found it intriguing then, but, being in the crazy phase of life that I was, I didn't have the time to think any further than that.  When I taught the unit this year, I thought more about Franklin's quest as well as his "hope" to pass on his lesson to his descendants.  I have to admit that I'm still hesitant.  I've never been any good at sticking to life changes that don't come naturally (and those that come naturally typically aren't positive).  Still, I'm going to do this, and I'm starting at the new year.

January first is a week from tomorrow.  If I'm starting my list of virtues then, that means I have to come up with a list, plan what order I'd like to conquer them in, create my own virtue log, and begin.  My challenge to you is to consider doing the same.  What do you want to improve in your life?  Is it your health?  Your sleeping habits?  Your prayer life?  Something altogether different?  Consider it.  And once you have, pursue the change.

Reflection

Look in the mirror.  Go ahead...get up from your couch, or desk chair, or where ever you're sitting and go take a peak.  Look for at least ten seconds.  Once you're back, think about what you saw: what were your thoughts?  How did you feel?  If you're anything like me, and most likely if you're female, it takes much fewer than ten seconds to criticize what you see.  Less than five seconds, even, to make yourself feel pretty low.  So what is it about thousands of beautiful women that makes us believe the lie that we are fat, or ugly, or flawed?  What is it that convinces us that our value comes from what we see in that thin piece of reflective glass, which is always a skewed perception anyway?
I didn't realize that people thought I was pretty until college.  I never had guys comment on my looks, but I guess when you're in high school the only guys commenting on people's looks are the ones who have too little self control to not say something inappropriate, so that was fine with me.  My friends often commented on how they wished they had my body, or some aspect of my physical appearance, but I just thought they were crazy and trying to be nice.  Then I got to college and all of a sudden I had guy after guy pursuing me.  I felt like I didn't have to think or try to attract guys - they just came.
Now, I want to switch gears and interject something for a minute.  I'm not sharing these facts about college to brag or to put anyone down.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  I'm sharing these facts because I believe it had a strong negative impact on how I view myself now, and I'm trying to work out the details in order to help myself, and maybe others in the same boat, learn to find value where it really counts.  And I don't just mean to know where value comes from, but to believe it!  Okay, back to the story.
The stream of pursuers and comments continued basically until I met Ben.  I began to rely on them and to expect them.  I liked them.  I enjoyed feeling wanted, and I knew that a big part of that was my appearance.  Even with Ben, hearing the story about the night we met always makes me smile because of how I caught his eye (with my looks) and how I kept it (with everything else).  However...now that we're married and this life I live has become 'normal,' Ben doesn't verbalize that he's attracted to me hardly ever, and neither do any other guys (obviously).  I find myself freaking out about needing to stay in shape, eating well, and looking pretty not so I can actually be in shape or be healthy, but so Ben will always be attracted to me - so my body will never change - and the flaws I see (even though he probably doesn't) are the reason he's not as verbal or pursuant.
Ladies (and any men still reading)...THIS is destructive thinking!  Do not base your value on anything superficial.  You are a beautiful creation and the only thing that's worth any value is that you were created by a very powerful creator, who loves you more deeply than you could ever ask or imagine!  I know not all of you believe in God, but whether you do or not, there is no doubt that your value should be based on something more than a thin layer of flesh.  So how do we fight these fetters filled with lies, deceit, and destruction?
Well, for one thing, we could start by countering the criticism we tell ourselves.  In the Bible study I led for the past five years, we would always tell our girls that they had to say two positive things for every negative thing they said about themselves.  We started it because they really were negative in their younger years, and it was starting to wear on everyone.  Once we begin changing what we vocalized to positive attributes rather than negative, the whole atmosphere of the group transformed.  It worked!  Finding something positive helped us all to think more positively in general.  Start with that!  Be intentionally more positive!
Next, get away from magazines that put you down.  Guys should not read muscle magazines, and girls should not read fashion magazines.  Not only are they unrealistic, they are literally not real.  They are someone's digital artwork.  And all they do is tell the people reading them that they are too big, or their eyes are too narrow, or their lips are too small.  Don't believe it!  Don't even tempt yourself!
My last suggestion is to surround yourself with uplifting people.  I have to say that the best I've felt about myself in the past few years is the weekend trip my girlfriends and I took down to Texas this past January (even though this was also the month I was the heaviest I've been in the past few years).  If you put ten girls who truly love and value each other in the same space, they will undoubtedly lift each other up!  It is a magical thing!  Ladies - you are a great asset!  Love your friends deeply and display that love at all costs!  Share with each other how and why you love each other!  Support each other in your joys and your sorrows!  This. is. so. important.  We can't live without it. We cannot live on the praise of our husbands alone.
Still, even the praise of our friends isn't enough.  And that's where I'm stuck.  That's where I keep falling into the trap of believing what I see in the mirror guides who I am, and that when I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfying to anyone else either.  I know logically that my value comes from God, but sometimes I have a hard time knowing what that even means.  Sometimes I have a hard time not only knowing, but then believing throughout my entire being in its truth.  What more can we do?  How do we turn to Him for good?  How do we steal back the value that's been imaginarily, yet so realistically, stolen from us?  This, my friends, is a dilemma no one can address alone!

New Year's Resolutions?

Okay, okay, okay...it's been over a year since I've written anything.  I know!  But you have no idea how crazy this past year has been.  About this time last year is when I started preparing for teaching my first full time job.  I had no idea at the time how fully consuming it would be to all parts of my life.  For those of you who actually want to see me now and then, don't worry.  Things get better.  Teaching becomes less exhausting, planning takes up less time, and grading...well, I may just be out of luck on that one forever.  I'll figure out something to do about that!
My point in all of this is that I dropped the ball on things that meant a lot to me last year, and in place of them came teaching.  I actually counted, and with the amount of hours I worked each week within the ten-month period, I actually worked the same amount as a person works at over 40 hours within the whole year.  I only saw friends about once every two months.  I rarely exercised.  I never read my Bible except to prepare for c-group.  And really, I gave up so much more.  Ugh...it was awful.  With only weeks before I have to step back into the classroom again, I've really been thinking a lot about how to avoid that this year.  I need balance in my life - we all do - and the only way that's going to happen is if I make it happen.  It's my choice.  And since it's a new year (for teachers and students, anyway), I've decided to create a list of "resolutions" to start things off right.  These are things I want to do regularly, no matter how school's going.  I figured I'd throw it out there for all to see.  That way maybe I'll have a little accountability for it!  Resolutions are notorious for being broken, but not this time.  Huh-uh, not me!  So...here we go:

1) read my Bible every day
2) work out every day
3) visit with a friend once a week
4) get involved in a weekly ministry
5) read at least four books for myself this year
6) write on my blog at least once a week
7) keep the apartment clean
8) spend weekly intentional time with my husband
9) do something new at least once a month
10) do something outside at least once a month

Okay...ten months of school and ten goals.  Not that each one correlates to a month, by any means, but it's kind of a good way to count down, right?  Go for it month by month?  I think so, anyway.  So for all of you reading this, please do check in on me!  Ask me if I'm reading my Bible, come work out with me, or ask to hang out some time!  I would really appreciate it.  Last year was a bit of a disaster.  Though I love teaching in so many ways, if I don't stick to these resolutions I may go crazy.  Help me out with this one, would ya!?